Thursday, March 20, 2008

Rita's Butterfly

I received an e-mail from Diane, a friend of mine this morning. The coworker of a friend of Diane's died this morning, the first day of Spring, from breast cancer.

The following is part of an announcement her family sent out to let everyone know about the passing -


Spring signifies a renewal of life. But in Rita’s case her renewal is different.

We physically can’t see her renewal but her body has been made whole. She is no longer bound by her physical limitations. She is free to flutter gently as a beautiful butterfly that has just been released, no longer wrapped in a cocoon of pain that the world tries so desperately to escape.


One of the saddest lessons we have to learn when someone we love dies is that life goes on. It doesn't stop. It doesn't even slow down for us to catch our breath.

According to grief counselors there are seven stages people go through when they grieve. They are shock or disbelief, denial, bargaining, guilt, anger, depression, acceptance and hope. 

Sometimes when someone comes to see me as a Psychic Medium they're hoping to do what I call "The Tarzan Swing" through the stages. They're hoping that by hearing from their loved one who passed, they can go from shock to acceptance and hope in one fell swoop! I always try to get people to see that this just isn't the case. I also try to help them understand that going through these stages are what's needed for a "renewal" of their own lives. 

Recently a woman came to me telling me that when her children died she received a lot of comfort from the "signs" she was getting from them. They appeared to her in her dreams, she would smell them, and every once in a while she even heard them. 

As time went on, the signs stopped coming and for her it was the grief started all over again. She started "bargaining" with God so she could hear from her kids again. Then she wondered what she was doing wrong when the signs didn't come, and became angry with God for not letting them "communicate" with her. In her depression she thought, "What the hell?" and decided to book an appointment with me in the hopes of hearing from her children that way. 

Her grief didn't "start all over again," I told her. It simply picked up where it left off when she started getting the signs from her children. During her session with me her kids told her that they hadn't forgotten her, nor did they stop loving her. They simply had work to do, and had to move on with their lives on the Other Side. 

She wrote to tell me that after her session with me she was able to move with her life, from depression to acceptance and hope. She is now helping other parents who have lost children, and that she feels renewed by her new purpose in life. 

I'd like finish this by saying that when we lose someone we love, we have to take to time to build a protective layer around ourselves while we go through the changes that death forces upon us. Don't just take care of everyone else, take care of yourself. Just a caterpillar wraps itself in a cocoon, we can wrap ourselves in the love of our surviving family and friends, as well as our tears. Don't keep your emotions inside. The healing comes when you let them out. 

Remember, other people can only be there for you for so long. They have their own lives to live, so please try not to be angry at them for this. If you need someone to talk to and they don't seem to be willing to listen, that's what grief counselors are for. Join a bereavement group, talk about your loss. Be there for others in theirs. 

Most of all, remember that a caterpillar builds it's shelter with the intent of coming back out of it a new creature. Grief is the price we pay for love. You can come out of the isolating journey of grief a much more beautiful creature than you were when you started. 

www.anthonyquinata.com







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